Pig in the Window

With the popularity of cell phones and ipods with cameras in the United States, pictures and videos are being taken more than ever before in our history.  As quickly as they are taken, they are posted on some type of social media outlet.  Often times, the video or picture is a small piece of time happening in a greater context.  However, people begin weighing in with their opinion or judgement about the event. This happens with news correspondents as well as those in a less official capacity.  

Instead of a rush to judgement, what would it mean to remain curious?  To ask questions?  The best coaching takes place when judgement is suspended and curiosity is released.  Yes, curiosity may "kill the cat" but it can lead to more accurate discovery, better decisions and beneficial outcomes when curiosity is chosen over hasty judgement.  

Whether it's a recent video or a picture or something that is happening in your life, step back and be curious.  Ask questions.  Be open to discovery.  Listen.  Really listen.  Stay curious.  Suspend judgement.  See what emerges.  Be curious some more.  Ask more questions. In this space, stop. Notice.  Now, what do you hear?  What do you see?  How do you want to be good a steward of this discovery?   

Who put the pig in the window?  Why is the pig wearing a shirt or a dress?  How many stories are in this structure?  Someone took the time to balance the pig's legs on the ledge.  In what country is this picture made?  What is the occasion for the pig being in the window?  Who is meant to see this? What "message" is it meant to sent?  What is the green on the pigs face?  Is the pig wearing nail polish?  Is there another pig in the other window that hasn't been opened yet?  Is this pig poised to fly?!?

What or who is giving you the opportunity to be curious?  To discover?  Your choice:  rush to judgement or experience rich discovery.  

Be Free

With 4th of July weekend here, freedom is on my mind.   America was born in order to "be free" and independent of an oppressive political relationship.  The Declaration of Independence was their way of putting into writing their grievances, their intention of independence and declaring their identity as a free people.  

Serving on a mission team in Zimbabwe , one of the common phrases heard from the Zimbabwe people was "Be free."  We were American middle class Christians accustomed to schedules and keeping our eye on our wrist watches (before we had cell phones) and. We knew what it meant to set an agenda, be on time, and work to check off the items on our to-do list.  Back home we all experienced a daily roof over our heads, food on the table, a job, a "safe" community and a variety of resources in our lives.  We could not take these things with it but we did take our attempt to "manage" time rather than experience the gift of the present moment. 

Here we were in the midst of a people whose resources were limited, they did not always know where there next meal would come from, jobs were scarce, and the government was unstable. As impoverished as they were in these material and political ways, their lives held a joy in the now. They wanted a different way of life however, before they arrived at this destination of a different way, their spirits were already free.  There were countless variables in their lives which meant they could not always be on time or even attend some of the scheduled mission events.  When this would happen, with a smile they would tell us "be free."  Their words of wisdom still ring in our hearts.  

Sometimes we must remind ourselves and invite others to "be free" in the midst of difficult and undesirable circumstances that are not going to change over night. Sometimes we have to put it in writing, and declare it to all.  It doesn't matter what country you live in, your race, your economic status, your educational achievements, your physical abilities or lack of, your appearance, your lineage, or anything else- anyone and everyone is invited to "be free."  

What does it mean for you to "be free?"  What are you free from and desire to be free of? Look around.  What does the gift of your present moment look like?   Let freedom reign.

Lessons Learned at a GED Graduation

It's that time of year when people are graduating or just graduated from some type of institution of learning.  I'm reminded of several years ago when I was asked to offer the invocation at a technical school for a GED graduation ceremony. It makes it among my top personal favorite speaking engagements!  Here's why: 

• Every person who crossed the stage for their diploma radiated pure joy and pride in their accomplishment.  It was obvious this had not been easy, they had worked hard and were beginning to now receiving some of the fruit of their labor.  This labor meant a stronger possibility of more doors being opened for them.
• The students were a diverse group.  Different races.  Different ages.  Men.  Women.  Yet all united in possessing pride in their work.
• The supporters were as enthused as the graduates.  They were shouting and jumping as if the accomplishment of the student were their personal accomplishment.  An observer could tell "who belonged to who" by the timing of their cheering, clapping, and smile filled faces.  
• It was full of surprises.  One of the best, was when an elderly woman slowly made her way across the stage and a large section of the crowd stood, bursting out with "We love you grandma!"  And the whole audience along with those of us on the stage, stood to join the celebration.  The celebration was infectious.  

The Lessons I Learned at a GED Graduation Ceremony:

1. When are hard work is acknowledged, we experience pride.  When it is shared we experience greater joy.  
2.  The joy and pride of accomplishment is something that transcends race, gender, age, socio economic status, physical abilities and limitations.  We all want to accomplish something and do meaningful work.  
3. We never accomplish anything "big" or important to us without the support of others.  Success doesn't not happen for an individual because of their individual efforts.  There are always others, even if they are all "behind the scenes" of the success.  
4. I had been asked to participate in a way that "inspired" others...however, I learned once again, that when we give ourselves to inspire we find ourselves to be inspired.  I'm not sure why that keeps surprising me! 
5. It doesn't matter what the "level" of learning is, as long as a person continues to be open to learning, there will be a sense of joy, pride and deeper relationships and meaning in their lives.

What are you open to learn?  Who are the ones supporting your success?  Whose success are you supporting?  How have you celebrated your most recent learnings?   And the "graduations" of others?

Two of My Heroes

Hero: a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.  

When I was young, (yeah, I'm old and I have no problem with that because I worked hard to get here!) I admired Billy Graham and Mother Teresa.

I admired Billy Graham for traveling all over the world to share God's love to anyone and everyone.  I was even more impressed when I learned about the tedious preparation before he arrived and establishing ongoing engagement with local people after his departure. I especially admired him for having private conversations with world leaders and we, the public, never heard a word from him about the content of those conversations.   He met with leaders he disagreed with but honored their position and his calling to go and be with them.  He knew "holy" ground could also be found in places outside of stadiums, church walls and prayer closets. 

I admired Mother Teresa because she treated everyone the same- including those cast aside, the most neglected and feared.  She honored the God-given worth of every soul, even those who were close to dying as she gave the gift of her time to be with them.  They had nothing to offer her in return.  She didn't have to travel the world to find where she could best live out who she was created to be.  After recently watching The Letters , I learned she was a "pioneer" in Catholicism as she followed what she believed was her calling.  The movie revealed some of the struggles and alienation which Mother Teresa experienced as she loved others with God's heart.  I thought the challenges she faced in loving the terminally sick and poor was "tough enough" and I had no idea she was also dealing with the church not understanding and at times, not endorsing her calling.   

They were my "heroes" in a world filled with leaders climbing the corporate ladder, misusing power, and other empty priorities.   These two seemed to be concerned with nothing more than being who God created them to be and loving others as God loved them.  There were other more ordinary and less well known heroes in my life.  The less well known taught me how even though a hero can be popular for their noble qualities, they are still everyday people who struggle, who make mistakes and who continue to persevere.  They do this in spite of and in the midst of some of the most daunting and challenging circumstances. 

These two and other heroes inspire, bless, and call forth more from me. These two well known (I guess that depends on your age!) heroes never met me and have no idea of their influence on my life.  However, I've tried to let those I know, whom I've met, how much their lives have made a difference for mine.  

Who are the people on your "hero" list?  How did they get there?  What do they call forth from your life? 

Orlando on My Mind

There are many things in the recent news which can pull our spirits down.  We look around for some good news. Instead, we find stories of victims and assailants. Accidents and tragedies. We are waiting on someone to tell us something exciting that is happening...where justice prevails in the face of oppression, where mercy reaches out to help a stranger, where love is stronger than hate.  

Sometimes we are tricked into thinking of what a crazy world it is "out there" while we are observing it all happen from our phone, laptop, or tv.  It's as if we are watching a game and waiting on the referee or umpire to step out and call some fouls and enforce a few penalties.  

The reality is we are all a part of this "crazy" world.  It's not "out there" or happening around us.  It's in our world whether it looks that way or not.  It doesn't matter if it happens under our own roof or miles or continents away. 

In our most honest of moments, we are keenly aware there's a little part of this "craziness" or "bad" in all of us.  When these little parts are left unrecognized, unconfessed, unchallenged, and we are unaccountable- that's when the little parts become big... and we can become the author or main character in the kind of news which crushes hearts and destroys dreams. 

However, we can do something.  We can recognize.  We can confess.  We can be held accountable.   We can humble ourselves and see our part of the "craziness" we are observing... the things we have done or not done to create such a culture of mistrust, judgement and hate. 

We can be kind instead of inpatient.  We can slow down and let some one in front of us instead of shoving our way to the front. In the car or the grocery line. We can be gentle and speak the truth in love rather than be cruel with our words and tone. We can remember we may be right but that doesn't mean we are being kind. We can forgive instead of holding someone a slave to our hurt. We can relinquish our power over someone to empower another person to experience life to the fullest. We can choose compassion instead of looking away. We can listen, truly listen instead of rushing to speak or judge.   There are so many things we can do, instead of being overwhelmed by the announcement of more wrongdoing and injustices or thinking we are on the sidelines of a game made up of winners and losers.  

Orlando on my mind...and in my heart. 

What are you doing to change the news?

10 Reasons Why "Small" Beginnings Bother Us

Most "beginnings" start small and slow.  So why do we get so impatient?  We are starting something fresh and it seems like such a far, far, far away and foreign place we are headed.   Will we every get there?  Small beginnings can bother us for countless reasons. 
 
Here are 10 Reasons Why "Small" Beginnings Bother Us:  

1. We compare to "bigger" things and come up lacking.  We may see others doing this or already in that "far away" place and when we compare it leads to despair.

2. We focus on what's not working instead of what is working.

3. We are living in the future rather than in the present.  

4. We have failed to see the gifts available, right in front of us in the  midst of the small beginning. These gifts are here before significant growth takes place. Like recognizing the "missed" moments we could have cherished with a child but we were "busy."       

5. We think it's easier for everyone else and they were able to skip this part or get through this "phase" in break speed. When this happens, it's good to ask or research some of  those people and what the "beginning" was like for them. 

6. We are stuck in our past.   Maybe we have tried this or something similar before and know "failure" all too well.   It's hard to believe that this time could be different. 

7. It is a beginning that we did not choose and we are spending time grieving over what  "ended" that brought on this new, small beginning. 

8. Fear. We chose this new beginning and pushed past the fear to do this. Because it's new and the fear has been around longer than this small beginning, we question if we should have even started this new beginning. Will we really be able to stay committed and do this? 

9. It's all new and we can't see the whole path to our destination.  We are wondering if the path will look like what we have envisioned. The small beginning can bring up more  questions than answers.  How will we live with the questions of not being able to see the whole path at the beginning?

10. Small beginnings can bother us when they are small and slow because we have a dream!  There are no small beginnings when there is no hope.  No dream.  No vision.  So it's be bothered and learn how to navigate through the beginning or have no hope, dreams, or vision.
                      
What is the small beginning you are experiencing?  What will it mean if you turn back?  What will help you to stay the course?  What are the unique gifts in this time of a slow, small beginning? What are some more reasons why small beginnings bother you?

The Stuff that Counts but is Not on the Resume

You know this- job search mode requires a resume full of information that a prospective employer wants to know in order to determine if the candidate qualifies for the job.  But, it's the information the employer learns in the interview that comes from the education and experience of life that determines "fit-ness" for the position.   The resume may get a person in the door but it will not be the sole factor to cause the employer to invite a person back to stay.  

This is the stuff that counts when the resume is finished and it's time for the interview:  

1. Some of the best lessons in life are not awarded with a grade, a certificate or a diploma. We do not pay tuition to experience them but they can be costly.  However, the value and the return on this kind of investment can be priceless!  If you have learned from the lessons, speak as one highly educated and a good steward of the lessons you have learned in life. Give credit where credit is due to the teachers who have taught you these lessons.
    
2. Know your personal strengths and be able to communicate those strengths with examples. Do this as natural and familiar as having a conversation about your strengths with a friend.  Need some help? There are a variety of inventories and assessments, along with asking others for input.
    
3. Be familiar with your personality type and that of others. It's not enough to know how you relate and show up, you need to be aware of the style of the interviewer and team.  Don't pretend to be something you aren't but make adjustments which honor their personality and work culture.  If they ask for facts, share the facts.  If they are slow paced, slow down your talking pace.  Ask how much time they have for the interview and respect this in your replies to their questions. 
4.  Ask them sincere questions.  Be as genuinely interested and curious about them as you want them to be about you.  What do they have to teach you?  Learn.
    
5. Seriously consider before you go, what can you do for this company or workplace?  Why will they be glad they hired you?  What kind of person do you want to work with and what kind of coworker are you?  Remember it's not all about you and what you will get from being their employee.  What will the "employer benefits" be because you are on the team?

What is the easiest part about the interview process for you?  What have you learned through being interviewed or interviewing others?  What parts do you want to strengthen?   Remember, this stuff counts! 

What to strengthen any of these areas?   Book now a complimentary call and get started! 

6 Things to Consider from an Expert at Being Rejected

At some point, everyone experiences rejection. If someone tells you they haven't, let them know you have experience with this.  Take a step back.  Look away.  Stop listening.  Turn around.  Walk off.  Just kidding! 

I got a dose of rejection very early in life and it did not stop there.   Being a person with a "little" and a disproportional body, gives great opportunity for rejection before I ever open my mouth!  Any time we stick out or stand out from the average in any way, we are typically seen first and evaluated as not "normal."  Let the judging begin!  Sometimes it can be favorable and sometimes it brings instant rejection.  When that happens, some call this "prejudice."  Some call it "ignorance."  Some call it "fear." 

 There are different ways we can be who we are and the percentage of not being accepted rises.  It may be the way you look, the way you talk, the job you do or don't have, the family you come from, the amount of money or education you do or don't have, and the list continues.  Whatever the case, here are-

6 Things to Consider when Being Rejected:

1.  Remember that you will always be best at being who you are and not trying to be someone else. Do not settle for less in order to be accepted.  When this happens, everyone gets cheated.
2. Ask yourself, " How would being accepted in this situation make me feel or think?"  Valued?  Loved? At peace? Respected? Appreciated?  Be honest with yourself, there are other ways to experience these same thoughts and feelings. This is not the one and only opportunity.  Look around!  There are as many opportunities to experience these feelings and reality as there are to experience the feeling and reality of rejection.
3.  In some cases being accepted or approved may only mean you are considered "normal."  As an adjective "normal" means, "conforming to a standard; usual, typical or expected."  As a noun, it means "the usual, average or typical state."  Do you want to be usual, typical, expected, and average?  If not, then let go of being considered "normal."  If you aren't, it's not something you have to go out of your way to be but  when you are not "normal" you will have to make the choice to graciously allow some people to reject you or to carry the burden of the hurt, anger, resentment and disappointment that rejection can offer. 
4. Sometimes being rejected is not about being rejected as a person but is simply someone disagreeing with your perspective or opinion.   This does not make you a "reject."  The one who is rejecting is not necessarily being ignorant or prejudiced.  Learn to recognize the difference.   A key factor of knowing you are not rejected for who you are- the relationship continues and you are respected as a person of worth.  
5. Assess whether the person or institution is important enough to make whatever changes you need to make in order to continue to be in relationship.  If  it is, do your part to understand their perspective and consider what changes you need to make which honor who you are and who the other person or institution is.  Do not expect this way of relating  to be adopted by the other person or institution.  Just know that you have honored what or who is important to you.  In this way you have also honored yourself. If it is not, then as graciously as possible let go. 
6. In every rejection there is a gift.  Look for it until you find it.  If necessary, recruit others to help you find it.  I learned this from growing up with a brother who was "normal" height and voted "Best Looking" guy in his high school and college.  There were people who wanted to be his friend or girlfriend based purely on his looks.  It took time before he knew who really liked him for who he was and not purely his looks.  (Funny part, when we were kids we envied each other!)  My experiences of repeated rejection at an early age, taught me who and what really mattered with less time spent with false pretenses.  Finding the gift in the experience of being rejected is worth it because you are worth it!  Look until you find it. 

Sure there's more to be considered...but this is a start!

Experiencing rejection?  What is most important that you consider at this time?  Have you found the gift this rejection brings?  If not, keep looking.  It is there!

If at First You Don't Succeed, You Have a Choice

When you first started talking, you were not an expert but you kept trying.

When you first started crawling, you were not an expert but you kept trying.

In fact, when you first started breathing you were not an expert.  However, you wouldn't be reading this if you had not kept trying!  You have been doing it for a long time now and are more than likely an expert breather.  When you started breathing, you had no idea of all the mechanics involved or what it would eventually mean for you if you didn't try.  

What is it today that you need or want to do?  Something that you've never done before but today it's something that you believe will make a difference in your life or someone else's.  When you think about trying this, you are deeply aware of your lack of expertise, experience,  or comfort in doing this.  

In fact, just thinking about "trying" taps into the kind of fear which makes you think of all the thousands of reasons why you can't and why this will not work.  You have mentally recorded each reason and possibly even commit some reasons to being written on paper.   The awareness of how woefully inadequate you are in this regard, is all too clear.  Into your head, pops the image of all the people you know who could and are already doing this better.  

What if you knew you had permission to try and not succeed at producing excellent results?  What if it was okay to try another time?  How about 100 times and still not be an expert?  What if each time you became a little better at doing it or became better as a person in the process of "trying?"  What if you allowed yourself to enjoy the process of not demanding immediate excellence but eventually becoming able to do something and get better and better along the way?

What is it that you want or need to do, experience or learn that will require a first try in the midst of the fear ? 

What will you potentially "lose out on" if you do not try?

What might you gain?  

How might you be changed by trying?

If you decide to try and do not "succeed" on your first try, what will you do? 

You have a choice.

"You have arrived at your destination."

GPS:  "You have arrived at your destination."

ME:  "I'm surprised.  I haven't been here before.  It's not what I expected." 

I wonder if sometimes in life, we arrive at a destination we had entered into the desires of our heart and when we arrive, it's not as familiar as we had thought it would be.  We may not even recognize it.  There is no automated programmed voice telling us, "You have arrived at your destination."  

What if right now, where you are a voice said, "You have arrived at your destination for this day."

Pause.    Breathe deeply.   Take a peek.    Look around.    Listen closely.     Be curious. 

What do you see?  

What do you hear?

 What is it like?

How do you feel?  

What are you thinking? 

 What do you learn from this "place" today?  

What questions remain? 

Going thru the Motions

One day while coaching a business owner and team, they talked about being stuck and feeling like they were going through the motions without experiencing any forward movement. Their business was successful but they knew something had to change.  

When they were asked, "What was it like the last time you didn't feel stuck going thru the motions?" they remembered a time when they had ideas and energy flowing effortlessly and freely. They described the time as "being inspired." In fact, keeping up with the ideas and energy was the challenge!  

Upon reflection they realized it had been a long time since being inspired.   So, "What inspires you?"  Each team member was clear about the kinds of things and ways they are inspired which influences their work.

Their work suffered without inspiration and the remaining question was, "How is time for inspiration built in your work schedule?"  Their faces looked like this question was spoken in a foreign language.  Time for inspiration was done outside of work as if this was optional.  

When they finally gave themselves permission to build in time for inspiration and regularly honor it, they were no longer going through the motions but back to the challenge of keeping up with the ideas and energy! That's another blog...

What inspires you in a way which keeps the ideas and energy flowing in your work?  

Success and Failure

Last week while out on a trike ride, I visited a neighbor who has a magnificent back yard garden that's full of color at this time of the year. After taking the tour of her yard and hearing about each kind of flower or plant, I commented about how I wished I knew as much about gardening and was as good at it as she is.  She was quick to share, "I do not have a green thumb. The way I got this garden was through trying, failing and learning."  

It's tempting to believe that people are born with innate abilities and skills that automatically makes it easier for them to succeed.  Especially when all we see is their success and miss out on the "behind the scenes" or beginnings of their journey.  However, the more I've talked to or read about people who have been successful, whether it's gardening or business, the more I discover they were not born this way.  The person may have always had an interest or passion for what they are successful at but they are not born with secret powers or abilities from the beginning to achieve success at what they do today.  

What is it that you want to do well and are willing to try, fail and learn on the way to success?

What Do I Do with My Life? 6 Things I've Learned

Often times people come to coaching with this question.  When I've asked this question, I've learned what is most important is to understand these things:

1. Who we are is not the same as what we do.
2.  Knowing who we are, our personality, needs, beliefs and values, help us to answer this question in the best of ways.  
3. Just because we know what do with our life does not assure us that the path will be easy or clear at every turn and that we will be filled with unlimited happiness at all times.  
4. Our life purpose remains the same but what we do with our life to express our purpose can change.   
5. When we are clear about our pupose, we can still be unclear about what to do to live this purpose.  
6. When we are clear on our purpose, unclear on what to do, know our beliefs, values and understand our personality, it's time to commit to exploring options.   

When you explore this question, what have you learned?

Chosen and Unchosen Change

Every person is in some kind of transition in at least one area of their life.  All of us are physically in transition from the day we are born.  From that day forward, our body is in the transition of aging!  Unchosen transition can be some of the toughest kinds of change.  We grieve.  

In our grief, we find ourselves asking:
Why is this happening?
Why me?
Why now?

Sooner or later, we realize we may get some answers to these questions but more than likely we will not.  

So we change our questions in response to the unchosen transition:  
Who am I?
What next?
How can I experience something good with this change?

Some transitions are chosen ones, like changes made in our careers, our families, our relationships, the towns we live in, our diets, etc.  We want something to be different and our questions often sound like:
What is my purpose?
How can I live my purpose?
How do I know which way(s) to go?  What next?
How do I make the changes I want to make?
How will I know if I am “right” or if this is the best way?

What transitions are you experiencing?  What are your questions?